21
Jul
09

just a crush…or something more?

yep, that’s right. a crush on a boy. wanna guess who it is?? he’s british with amazing hair! lmao… *shut up ladies* (they know who they are)

so yea, i see him in about 7 days, and i decided to ask him out. now, i haven’t asked anyone out in about 5 years now. last time i did it, it was highly successful, so i’m hoping to keep that same momentum going this time. see now, the problem is, is he’s a musician… a fairly well known one at that! now i know my chances are success are extremely stunted by this fact, because, in all honesty, why would he even notice me when he can have any one of his choosing?!

ok, so i know you’re gonna say something like “oh don’t say that, ur awesome!” but honestly!! that’s like saying i’m gonna go ask out brad pitt (before he was married and all that stuff) and actually have hope of succeeding! LMAO pfft.

keeping it honest, we come from totally different worlds and i guess i’ve resigned myself to the fact that i may be embarrassing the everloving shit out of myself on monday night. but it wouldn’t be the 1st time. it will just hurt to have that hope yanked from my heart and replaced by utter defeat once again.. *sigh*

i keep teetering on whether or not to ask. i know if i don’t i’ll be thinking of it the whole time, wondering what may have been… like that time i asked dwele out. hahahaaa!! you didn’t know i asked dwele out?? LOL here’s the story:

so a few weeks prior i had spent the day with dwele and his band.. just random luck because i was a graphic artist for the club that they performed at and the drummer had taken a liking to me and wanted me to hang before a loft party. little did i know, he was interested in me that way. *duh* . anyway, it was innocent enough… a few card games here, a showcase there, and a loft party later, i had realized how charismatic and adorable dwele was. finally we parted ways, and i said to myself: “next time i see dwele, i’m gonna ask him out”…. fast forward…. so he has another show.. just him and the resident house band. (meanwhile i had already told the drummer of my intentions because i didn’t want to cause issues between them, he said it was ok) so dwele goes to perform, he sees me, takes my camera and snaps pics of himself, sings to me and whatnot. so i’m thinking… “ok when he gets offstage i’m gonna say something…”IT’S GO TIME!!! BUCK UP GIRL!!!” so dwele gets off stage and people noticed what was going on, pushing and nudging me to go talk to him, so i swallowed the lump in my throat and made my way to him.

he sees me and says hello, gives me a hug. i chatted randomly about how i’ve been and asked how he was. then it was time… i leaned into him and whispered in his ear.. (lol that’s private, i’m not telling what i said to him) so then he gives me a grin and says for me to write my number down.. so i’m thinking.. woot!! LOL… so i write it down and hand it to him… and i go home on cloud nine.

next day- i get an irate instant message from the drummer saying how much of a hoebag and slut i am for giving my number to dwele and flirting with him and he calls me a bitch for doing so. i was totally taken aback, but i didn’t get loud. i explained the situation, reminded him that i did ask before i proceeded and got the okay from him.

needless to say, dwele never called, the drummer was pissed to high hell at me, and i think he spread rumors about me… and i ended up feeling like a complete heel! LOL. the one good experience was with a normal guy i went to school with, justin. i had his number for schoolwork purposes and i decided to ask him out one night. i did, we did go out, and wound up dating for about 2 years! he was a great guy, but it was one of those things where i fell in love, but he didn’t have the same feelings.. and then i met my ex bf, and decided to leave that relationship and start anew with someone else who it seemed i had a future with…. BOY WAS I HORRIBLY WRONG! lol

annnnyyyyywayyyyy….

yea.. so what do i do?? should i ask out cute brit boy knowing full damn well i have a snowballs chance in hell with him?!? i’m at such an impasse!! what to do?!?!

ok the majority consensus was to go balls to the wall and just ask him!why does he make me so damn nervous!?! what is it about him that i get so nervous everytime i’m near him! damnit!

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