29 on 29.

Heyyyy!! Miss me much? Yes, I know… I know.. I’ve kind of abandoned my blog after 2009 came and went. Truth be told, I had to buckle down and find a job. No more lollygagging. It was really sad how nonchalant I was about the whole unemployed thing anyway. I waited til the last month of benefits to seriously begin looking.

But…. I got lucky and I did find a job!! I work as a Campaign Manager for a global internet search marketing company. I know you’re thinking.. blah.. blah what? Huh? Well to explain in a nutshell, say Sony wants to advertise their new BFT line of televisions – BFT stands for “Big Fucking TV’s” (duh). Anyway, they need to run an ad campaign right? So they come to us. We have ad space on a shitton of websites. So Sony comes in and drops $500,000 for space on our network of sites for a month. Someone needs to manage their campaign to make sure they get what they pay for – that the ad runs for a specific allotment of times per day, and of course to make sure they stay on budget. That’s where I come in. I manage the campaigns. See, not too hard to understand, right?? πŸ™‚

Anyway, yeah. So i’ve found work! On the live show front, so far I’ve been to see John Mayer at Madison Square Garden, and Bobby Long at Mercury Lounge again. John, incredible as always. My seats weren’t on the floor so I didn’t bring my camera, but I still had an amazing time! Much thanks to my friend Steve for inviting me along. πŸ™‚ Bobby Effing Long came back too, and rocked it as usual. But my enthusiasm wasn’t bubbling over just for the simple fact that I cannot stand Mercury Lounge. It’s way too dark in there. Here’s a pic:

That’s with no retouching. That’s how dark it is in there, and the lighting really is that weird. There are like no spotlights. It’s awful! Plus, it gets too packed and way too hot in there. It’s almost unbearable! I’m really hoping that he goes back to Arlene’s whenever he comes back to NY!

Aside from that, business as usual. Notice how I skipped over the whole love life topic, because to be honest, there still isn’t any to speak of. Sure, a crush here or there, but nothing substantial. I thought maybe there would be a flicker of something with someone, but like I said before “if a guy is interested in you, you’ll know.” So far, no moves have been made on his side so I’m gonna let that one go. I shouldn’t have to work so hard for that.

Blah, anyway this blog isn’t supposed to be about that, but I felt I should at least explain where the hell I’ve been. The real reason for the blog is my birthday! Yes, today on March 29, I and 29 years old. It feels very strange being almost 30! I seriously feel like I’ve just left high school. I don’t know if that means I’m stuck in a rut or what, but all this has forced me to think about past birthdays. I was trying to remember one birthday when I felt like it was all about me, like I was being intensely celebrated, and I remember it was my 21st birthday. My best friend Keisha threw me a party at the bar her mom owned. I was dating James at the time and I walked in, the place was all dark and I had no idea what was going on. All of a sudden the lights popped on and everyone yelled “SURPRISE” then out walks my boyfriend, looking so intensely happy and proud that he was able to see the look of shock and happiness on my face. It’s something that I will never forget! Then I remember seeing my friends come out of the back area, then my mom comes bouncin out all happy, my brothers walk out, beaming. It was such a great moment in time, I wish I could relive that!! But alas, I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy on my birthday as I was that night.

Now I’m not saying that I haven’t had good birthdays since, I’m just saying that I’ve never felt as happy on my birthday as I did in that moment. And in some strange way, I think that every birthday since I’ve been trying to recapture that feeling of specialness from that night.

Like my last boyfriend’s birthday is the day before mine and I remember visiting his hometown and my birthday always got overshadowed by his, every single time. Of course it made me happy to see him happy, and I loved spending that time with him, but I felt like, once, just once I wanted that spotlight. I wanted to feel all that love and energy directed towards me. Sure maybe that might sound selfish, but it’s honest.

Plus the birthdays always make me think of my dad. I’ve always been daddy’s little girl, and losing my dad before my 16th birthday was something that always stayed with me. I always wonder if he’s proud of me, of who I’ve become as a woman and the choices I’ve made. I know, I know, you all will say ” Of course he is!! You’re fantastic!” But I want to know for certain, and sadly there’s no way to ever know that, and it bothers me.

But I won’t drag you all down that path tonight. There is a lot more of that story for future blogs, I assure you. πŸ™‚

As this birthday comes to a close, I can say without any doubt that I have amazing friends, and a great family, and that’s really all I can ask for at this point. I recall saying to my mom earlier this week “Birthdays are for kids to party their faces off and for adults to have an excuse to drink with wild abandon and not be responsible for their actions in the slightest.” Then i thought about that, and I changed my outlook. As I’ve gotten older, my birthday for me has not been about partying, but more about spending time with people I care about who truly care about me. Today I’ve gotten messages from people that I had no idea who cared that much, people who I second guessed if they would even remember. But I was pleasantly surprised, and so unbelievably greatful. I wonder if they have any idea how much better they made me feel when I read the messages.

I was talking to a friend on Twitter earlier about what I wanted and I named 3 things… For long lost friends to come back, that I do something that makes me say “best birthday ever” and that a fine man will come into my life,lol. Those long lost friends DEFINITELY came back with a vengeance, and for that I thank them. πŸ™‚ Best birthday ever? Depends on who you ask… Knowing that people really care enough to take 2 seconds out of their day to wish you well means a lot. As for the fine man thing… my friend is working her mojo on that. I think it might take a lil bit longer πŸ˜‰

So I guess I’ll end this long blog before my birthday ends in 6 minutes with:

Thank you, each one of you for everything. x


2 Responses to “29 on 29.”

  1. 1 TK
    March 30, 2010 at 4:11 am

    Girl you have always rocked this blog with your openness and honesty about life, music and love. I hope that every change, for we are always changing, comes your way with more insight and depth to your character. One day you will have all you ever wanted and more, and the right man will come along and find you..when he does he will treat you like the star you are πŸ™‚

    Happy Birthday Tynie!!!

  2. 2 Meghan
    March 30, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    I think my mojo has long distance issues. I seem to recall when I was with you, we met a hot ass man who gave unsolicited hugs. Although, you missed out on the hugging. Hmmmm. So, I got the man into your life… I just have to work on getting one to stay o_O

    I love you! Hope you had a lovely day, and many more lovely days this year!!

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